Grounds for Divorce: Fault, No-Fault, and Abandonment Explained

Short answer: yes, in almost every state you can get a divorce after your spouse abandons you—and in most states you do not even need to prove abandonment to do it. You also do not need your spouse's permission or signature. "Grounds" simply means the legal reason you give the court for ending the marriage. This guide explains the two main types of grounds, how abandonment (also called desertion) fits in, and exactly what to do when your spouse has left and you cannot find them.

The two kinds of grounds: no-fault and fault

Every U.S. state recognizes some form of no-fault divorce, and most also keep a list of older fault grounds. Which ones exist, and what they are called, is set by each state's own law—family law is overwhelmingly state law, so the details vary from one state to the next.

No-fault grounds

A no-fault divorce means you are not accusing your spouse of wrongdoing. You simply tell the court the marriage cannot be saved. States phrase this as "irreconcilable differences," "irretrievable breakdown," or a period of living "separate and apart." This is the most common path because it is faster, cheaper, and far less contentious—there is nothing to prove except that the relationship is over.

One important wrinkle: in most states one spouse can get a no-fault divorce even if the other spouse refuses or objects. The court does not force people to stay married. Mississippi and South Dakota are the exceptions—there, a true no-fault ground requires both spouses to consent. If your spouse in one of those two states will not agree, you are pushed toward proving a fault ground instead. The divorce is still obtainable; it just takes a different, harder route.

Fault grounds

Fault grounds require you to allege—and if challenged, prove—that your spouse did something the law treats as a reason to end the marriage. Commonly recognized fault grounds across states include:

• Adultery
• Cruelty (physical or, in many states, mental/emotional)
• Abandonment or desertion
• Habitual drunkenness or drug abuse
• Felony conviction or imprisonment

Not every state offers all of these, and some states have abolished fault grounds entirely. Because proving fault takes evidence, time, and money, many people who could file on fault grounds choose no-fault anyway. The main reasons to pursue fault are that your state requires it (or your spouse refuses to consent where consent is needed), or because, in some states, fault can influence alimony or how property is divided. Whether fault actually affects those outcomes depends entirely on your state's law—do not assume it does.

Abandonment, explained

Abandonment (often called desertion) is one of the oldest fault grounds. While the exact definition is set by each state, courts generally look for a few common elements:

• One spouse left the marital home or relationship;
• they left without the other spouse's agreement;
• they stayed gone for a continuous period set by state law (in many states this is around one year, but the required period varies—check your state);
• they left without a good reason (justification); and
• they had no intention of returning.

Note that a spouse leaving because they were driven out—by abuse, for example—generally is not the deserter. Many states recognize constructive abandonment, where one spouse's misconduct effectively forces the other to leave; in that situation the person who physically left may be the victim, not the one at fault. Likewise, moving out by mutual agreement, or with the other spouse's consent, usually does not count as abandonment.

Do you even need to prove abandonment?

Here is the part that surprises many people: in a no-fault state you usually do not have to prove abandonment at all. If your spouse walked out, you can typically file on irreconcilable differences or an irretrievable breakdown without ever litigating who left and why. Proving abandonment matters mainly when (1) you are in a state or situation that requires a fault ground, (2) it could shorten a separation waiting period, or (3) it might affect support or property under your state's rules. For most people whose spouse has simply left, the practical question is not "can I prove abandonment?" but "how do I divorce someone who is gone?"

"My spouse left and I can't find them"—how that divorce works

You can still get divorced even if your spouse has disappeared. The process has two extra hurdles: notifying them and dealing with their silence.

1. Serving a missing spouse

Normally you must formally deliver ("serve") divorce papers on your spouse. If you genuinely cannot locate them after a real, documented effort to find them, most courts let you ask permission for alternative service—often service by publication (a legal notice in a newspaper) or by mail to a last-known address. You will usually have to show the judge the specific steps you took to find your spouse first.

2. Default judgment when they don't respond

If your spouse is served (or served by publication) and never answers within the deadline, you can ask the court for a default judgment—a divorce granted because the other side failed to participate. This is how many abandonment divorces are finalized.

3. The military-service check you must not skip

Before a court enters a default judgment against an absent spouse, federal law requires the filing spouse to address whether the missing person is in the military. Under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA), in any case where the defendant has not appeared, the court must require the plaintiff to file an affidavit stating whether or not the defendant is in military service, or stating that the plaintiff was unable to determine it (50 U.S.C. § 3931). If it appears your spouse is on active duty, the court appoints an attorney to represent them (also required under § 3931), and the servicemember can request a stay (pause) of the case of at least 90 days if their duties materially affect their ability to take part (50 U.S.C. § 3932). This protects deployed servicemembers from losing a divorce or custody case by default while they are unable to respond—so plan for it if there is any chance your spouse enlisted.

What you can do

1. Confirm your state's residency requirement. You generally must have lived in the state (and sometimes the county) for a set time before you can file. Check this first—it controls where and when you can file.
2. Decide no-fault vs. fault. For most people, no-fault is faster and cheaper, and you can file it even if your spouse objects (except in Mississippi and South Dakota, where no-fault needs both spouses' consent).
3. If your spouse is gone, document your search. Save records of every attempt to locate them—calls, letters, messages, relatives contacted, online searches. You will likely need this to get permission for service by publication.
4. Prepare for the military affidavit. Be ready to state whether your spouse is in military service before asking for a default. If you are unsure, the Department of Defense maintains a verification system that family-law courts and clerks are familiar with.
5. Note time-sensitive deadlines. Separation waiting periods, response deadlines after service, and any SCRA stay can each add months. Calendar them.
6. Consider a few things money can't easily undo. If you share children, a home, retirement, or debts, get advice before you finalize—especially for military retirement, which has its own federal rules (see below).
7. Use your local self-help or legal-aid resources. Most courts have a family-law facilitator or self-help center, and legal aid may help if cost is a barrier.

A note for military families

If you or your spouse served in the military, retirement pay can be part of the divorce. The Uniformed Services Former Spouses' Protection Act (USFSPA) lets a state court treat military "disposable retired pay" as marital property that can be divided in divorce (10 U.S.C. § 1408). Two things are widely misunderstood: USFSPA does not create an automatic 50/50 split—how much, if any, a former spouse receives is decided under your state's property-division law. And the often-cited "10/10 rule" (married at least 10 years overlapping at least 10 years of service) only governs whether the Defense Finance and Accounting Service will pay the former spouse directly; it is not a cutoff for whether a spouse can be awarded a share at all.

The bottom line

If your spouse abandoned you, you are not trapped. In nearly every state you can divorce without their consent, usually on simple no-fault grounds, and there is a well-worn legal path for serving and divorcing a spouse you cannot find. The main things that slow these cases down are residency and waiting periods, locating your spouse, and the federal military-service check—all manageable once you know they exist.

This article is general legal information, not legal advice; grounds, waiting periods, and procedures vary by state, so consult a licensed attorney or your local court's self-help center about your specific situation.