Can I Get Alimony If We Weren't Married? Common-Law Marriage and Palimony

Short answer: usually not “alimony” in the ordinary sense—because alimony (spousal support) is something a court orders when it ends a legal marriage. If you were never legally married, there is normally no marriage for a court to dissolve and no spousal support to award. But there are two important exceptions, and which one (if any) fits your situation depends heavily on the state you live in:

• Common-law marriage — a handful of states let couples become legally married without a license or ceremony. If you meet your state’s requirements, you are a married spouse and can ask for alimony in a divorce like anyone else.
• Palimony — a contract-based claim for support between unmarried partners. It is recognized in some states, limited in others, and rejected outright in a few.

This is one of the most fact-specific questions in family law. Two couples in different states with nearly identical facts can get opposite results. Read the framework below, then talk to a local family-law attorney before you assume you have—or don’t have—a claim.

Path 1: Were you actually “common-law married”?

The biggest myth in this area is that living together for a certain number of years—often people say “seven years”—automatically makes you married. That is false. There is no magic number of years, and cohabitation alone never creates a common-law marriage.

First, your state has to allow it. Only a minority of states currently let couples form a new common-law marriage. States that do (or recently did) include Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, and Utah, plus the District of Columbia (New Hampshire recognizes it only for limited purposes, such as inheritance after a partner dies). Several other states stopped allowing new ones but still recognize common-law marriages formed before a cutoff date—for example, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Ohio, and South Carolina each abolished it as of different years. Because these lists and dates change and the details matter enormously, confirm your specific state’s rule rather than relying on a general list.

Second, even in a state that allows it, you generally must prove all of these elements—not just one:

• Legal capacity to marry (both of age, unmarried to anyone else, mentally competent).
• A present agreement to be married right now—not a plan to marry someday.
• Cohabitation (living together as a couple).
• Holding yourselves out to the public as married—using the same last name, calling each other “husband”/“wife”/“spouse,” filing joint tax returns, listing each other as spouse on insurance or benefits, telling family and friends you are married.

The “holding out” and “present agreement” pieces are where most claims succeed or fail. If you privately considered yourselves committed but always told the world you were boyfriend/girlfriend or “partners,” a court will likely find no common-law marriage.

A common-law marriage usually travels with you

If you validly became common-law married in a state that allows it and then moved to a state that doesn’t, the second state will generally still recognize your marriage as valid (states ordinarily honor marriages validly formed elsewhere). That matters because it means you can sometimes file for a normal divorce—with alimony on the table—in a state that would never have let you form the marriage in the first place. The catch: you must still prove the marriage was validly formed back in the original state, under that state’s rules.

If you are common-law married, alimony works normally

Once a court accepts that a valid common-law marriage exists, the case is just a divorce. The court can divide marital property and award spousal support under the same state-law factors used for ceremonially married couples—length of the relationship, each spouse’s income and earning capacity, contributions to the household, and so on. There is no separate, lesser “common-law alimony.”

Path 2: Palimony — support without a marriage

“Palimony” is not a legal term in most statutes; it’s a nickname for a contract or equity claim for support or property between unmarried partners. The famous origin is the 1970s California case involving actor Lee Marvin, which recognized that unmarried partners can enforce an express agreement—and sometimes an implied one—to share earnings or provide support.

Because palimony is built on contract and fairness principles rather than marriage law, the rules vary sharply by state:

• Some states allow claims based on an express agreement (oral or written) and may also recognize implied agreements from the couple’s conduct.
• Some states enforce these claims only if the agreement is in writing—an oral promise won’t cut it.
• Some states largely reject palimony, refusing to award ongoing support to unmarried partners as a matter of public policy.

Two practical takeaways. First, a clear written agreement—signed, describing what each partner promised—is dramatically easier to enforce than “he always said he’d take care of me.” Second, palimony is usually about enforcing a promise or sorting out jointly built assets, not about replicating marriage. Don’t assume it gives you the same rights a spouse would have.

What you can still pursue even with no marriage and no palimony

Even when there is no marriage and no support claim, unmarried partners often have other rights worth protecting:

• Child support and custody. These do not depend on the parents ever being married. If you have a child together, support and custody/parenting time are decided on the child’s best interests and the parents’ incomes, regardless of marital status. (You may first need to establish legal parentage/paternity.)
• Property you jointly own or paid for. A house with both names on the deed, a joint bank account, or money you put into your partner’s property can sometimes be recovered through ordinary property law (partition, unjust enrichment, resulting/constructive trust), separate from any “support” claim.
• Written cohabitation agreements. Going forward, a cohabitation or partnership agreement is the cleanest way for unmarried couples to set expectations about support and property.

If you do win support, know this about bankruptcy

If you establish a common-law marriage and a court orders alimony (or you reach a divorce-based settlement), that obligation gets strong protection in federal bankruptcy. A “domestic support obligation” such as alimony or child support generally cannot be wiped out in bankruptcy (11 U.S.C. § 523(a)(5)) and is paid first among unsecured claims (11 U.S.C. § 507(a)(1)). Property-settlement debts owed to a former spouse under a divorce decree are also generally non-dischargeable in Chapter 7 (§ 523(a)(15)). The flip side: a purely palimony award between never-married partners may not qualify as a “domestic support obligation,” so it may not get the same bankruptcy protection. This is a detail worth raising with your attorney if you’re worried your ex will try to discharge what they owe.

What you can do now

1. Figure out your state’s rule first. Confirm whether your state recognizes (a) common-law marriage formation, (b) common-law marriages formed elsewhere or before a cutoff date, and (c) palimony. This single question reshapes everything.
2. Gather proof while it’s fresh. If you’re arguing common-law marriage, collect joint tax returns, insurance and beneficiary forms listing each other as spouse, shared leases or deeds, cards or messages where you called each other husband/wife, and witnesses who knew you as married. For palimony, find any written or texted promises about support or sharing property.
3. Locate any agreement. A cohabitation agreement, a written promise, or even an email can be the difference between a winning and losing palimony claim.
4. Separate the claims. Child support, custody, and jointly owned property stand on their own and don’t require a marriage—pursue them regardless of how the marriage question turns out.
5. Talk to a local family-law attorney promptly. Because outcomes hinge on state law and on proof that fades over time, an early consultation is high-value. Many offer low-cost initial consultations, and legal-aid organizations may help if cost is a barrier.

Time-sensitive cautions

• Evidence decays. Witnesses move, accounts close, and memories fade. Preserve documents and screenshots now.
• Deadlines exist. Contract-based palimony claims and property claims can be subject to statutes of limitations that start running when the relationship ends. Don’t sit on a possible claim.
• Don’t rely on outdated articles. States have changed their common-law-marriage rules in recent years, and cutoff dates matter. Verify with a current, state-specific source or a lawyer.

This article is general information, not legal advice; consult a licensed family-law attorney in your state about your specific situation.