SEATTLE, WA — In a groundbreaking move that’s sure to change both the e-commerce and self-help industries, Amazon announced today that it will be launching a brand-new delivery service: drones that not only drop off your package but also offer unsolicited, yet insightful, relationship advice.
The service, called Prime Love, will roll out in major cities across the United States next month, with plans to expand internationally. According to Amazon, the new drones will provide customers with “lightweight, non-judgmental relationship guidance” while ensuring that your next-day delivery is still on time.
“We’ve revolutionized the way people shop; now it’s time to revolutionize their love lives,” said Amazon CEO Andy Jassy in a press release. “Customers have been asking for faster delivery and deeper emotional connections, and we believe Prime Love is the answer.” In particularly difficult situations, the drones will bring a couch for you to recline on while you talk.
Drone-Delivered Love, Straight to Your Door
Amazon’s Prime Love drones are equipped with state-of-the-art AI technology capable of assessing emotional cues, body language, and even reading the energy of your doorstep. While dropping off your toothpaste and gym socks, the drone will hover for an additional five minutes to ask how things are going in your relationship and offer thoughtful advice.
“Let’s be honest—people need more than just groceries these days. They need support, understanding, and sometimes a little nudge in the right direction,” said Hannah Sparks, Head of Emotional AI at Amazon. “Why spend thousands of dollars on therapy when your drone can tell you what you need to hear while delivering your bulk toilet paper?”
For example, after handing over a package, the drone might say, “Hey, I noticed you haven’t been as communicative with your partner lately. Have you tried planning a surprise date night?” Or, “Are you sure you’re not just projecting your insecurities onto him? Think about it while you open that box of protein bars.”
Each drone is programmed with a database of relationship scenarios ranging from “We Don’t Communicate Anymore” to “He Forgets My Birthday Every Year” and the ever-popular “What Do We Call This, Anyway?” As a bonus, the drones also offer feedback on navigating tricky in-laws and whether or not you should go ahead and combine streaming service subscriptions.
Early Customer Reviews: A Hit Among the Lonely and Confused
The pilot program, which tested in select markets earlier this year, received overwhelmingly positive feedback—especially from customers who didn’t realize they needed the advice until it was served with their daily dose of online shopping.
“I ordered an Instant Pot, and as the drone delivered it, it asked me how things were going with my boyfriend,” said Tracy Nguyen, one of the early Prime Love testers. “I broke down in tears on my porch, and the drone told me, ‘Maybe it’s time to stop expecting him to read your mind. Have you tried being more direct?’ I mean… wow. I didn’t expect that kind of emotional breakthrough between my front door and my kitchen.”
Another customer, Josh Evans, shared a similar experience: “I ordered new HDMI cables, and the drone was like, ‘You’re still hung up on your ex, aren’t you?’ And it was right. I hadn’t realized it until that moment. I can’t explain how, but somehow, the drone just knew.”
Some users have even reported that the drones will stick around long after the delivery is complete, hovering nearby and dispensing unsolicited pearls of wisdom. “I was mid-argument with my girlfriend, and the drone was like, ‘I’m sensing some tension. Have you both considered couples counseling?’ It really diffused the situation,” Evans added. “I mean, sure, it was kind of weird to have a machine hovering over us during a fight, but its advice was spot on.”
What’s Next? Drones That Offer Life Advice
While Prime Love drones focus specifically on relationships, sources say Amazon has plans to introduce even more personalized drone services in the near future. Upcoming versions include Prime Career, where drones will assess your career progress and tell you when it’s time to quit your job, and Prime Wellness, which will provide daily mental health check-ins, reminding you to hydrate and practice mindfulness between deliveries.
“We envision a future where drones are more than just flying delivery bots,” Jassy said during a press briefing. “They’re companions. They’re mentors. They’re the guiding force in our lives. The day when drones officiate weddings isn’t far off.”
But not everyone is thrilled about the new service. Critics argue that Amazon’s expansion into the self-help space could blur the line between consumerism and personal privacy. “I didn’t sign up to have a robot drone weigh in on my love life,” said Sarah Burns, who has been avoiding her Prime Love drone ever since it recommended she “take a break from dating apps.”
Burns added, “One minute, I’m getting my new vacuum, and the next, it’s suggesting I ‘work on my relationship with myself first.’ I just wanted the vacuum!”
For Now, Love Delivered
Despite some concerns, Amazon is confident that Prime Love will be a hit. In fact, they expect that many customers will even start ordering items more frequently just to check in with their personal love drone. After all, what’s better than receiving life-altering relationship advice with your cat food and vitamins?
As Sparks eloquently put it, “Sure, we deliver packages. But now, we’re delivering personal growth, one box at a time.”
So the next time you order a book or a blender from Amazon, don’t be surprised if your Prime Love drone has something to say about your emotional baggage too. Whether you listen to it is up to you—just don’t argue with the drone; it’s heard it all before.
